This picture is from the National Museum of the Marine Corps in Quantico, VA.

Integrity

You are playing a ball game and you touch the ball before it is called out-of-bounds by the referee. The referee did not see you touch the ball and called the ball out-of-bounds against the other team. What do you do?

The Marine Corps Leadership Traits defines integrity as:

“Uprightness of character and soundness of moral principles; includes the qualities of truthfulness and honesty.”

The Knights Code of Honor defines integrity as:

"A Knight must be a man of his word with his actions seen and unseen governed by an inner code of honesty."

People often define integrity as always telling the truth. I think that is part of the definition. I define integrity as constancy of character. Your character is the sum total of all your values and actions. Honesty is one aspect of your character. When you consistently follow those values and your acts match those values all the time, you have integrity. To tell the truth some of the time is not integrity.

When you have integrity, people can rely upon you. They know that you will live up to your values even when no one is watching. Do you want to have friends that always tell you the truth or do you want them to tell you the truth some times? Would you rely on fiends who tell you the truth all the time, or are there for you all the time? Or would you rather rely on friends who flake on you all the time?

When I think of integrity, I think of steel. When we rate steel, we rate it based upon how well the steel maintains its’ form under stress. In other words, the steel does not bend because of the weight or stress on it. It maintains its shape and stays straight. When you build a bridge, you want it made of steel that does not bend under pressure. You would not want to cross a bridge that did not have integrity; you would not trust it to keep you safe.

“The one who lives with integrity will be helped, but the one who distorts right and wrong will suddenly fall.” Proverbs 28:18

"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You." Psalm 25:21

How well do you keep true to your values when you are under stress, especially the stress of peer pressure? Do you say no when others are smoking pot or doing drugs? What if it is your friends and they are pressuring you? Can you maintain your values when your friends are pressing you to compromise? Do you do what is right no matter the cost?

Some people fold like blankets under pressure. You know, I have never tried building a bridge out of blankets. I really don’t think it would work well. I think I will stay with tried and true steel.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

One of the best quotes I have heard about integrity comes from the Garth Brooks song titled ‘The Change’.

“I hear them saying, you'll never change things and no matter what you do it remains the same thing. But it is not the world I am changing. I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.”

Some videos on integrity that I found on YouTube:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-CHyWDky1Y
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMYYOXTuUeQ
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ioht4sSgibY

Why is it so difficult to admit when we are wrong? I mean when we have wronged a friend or loved one. It is easy to admit when you cut someone off in traffic. All you do is shrug your shoulders and give the “oops” face. You don’t know the person, it’s a minor offense and you are not likely to see the person again. So, it is easy to admit fault in that type of situation.

Now, when you hurt a good friend, it is often difficult to admit guilt. In fact, most people rationalize why it is ok to do whatever it was that was done. Let’s say a good friend asks you to help him move this weekend. You say ok, I will be there to help. Then you have another friend ask you to play golf the same day. You come up with some rational reason to golf rather than help your friend in need.

So what do you do? Call your first friend and tell them you would rather golf? I mean that is the truth. Of course, that is not the easy thing to do, nor is it what you want to do but it would be the right thing to do. Many people come up with an excuse, like “I threw my back out”. An easy way to solve problems like this is not to commit to something you don’t really want to. If you make a commitment, fulfill it. If you don’t, admit you are wrong.

When I was in middle school, I was picked on almost relentlessly. I was a dorky, awkward kid. It was a private school so must of my classmate families had money. My mother had to work two jobs to pay the tuition. So, I never had the right clothes. Kids are really mean at that point in their life, and I was the brunt of their attacks. You start to believe what they say about you. What can I say? I hated my life at that point.

To feel better about myself I did some stupid stuff. A new student came to class and the other kids had a new target and the verbal abuse was now directed at someone else. The stupid thing I did was joining in with the other kids. Yes, I became what I hated. What an ass I was. I should have stood up and helped her.

I regret to this day that I joined in on being a bully and not a defender. It is difficult to stand up for what is right. It is more difficult to publicly admit that you were wrong. It is not easy to do and I wish I would not have to admit my mistakes.

Lavey, I am sorry I joined in with the other kids who picked on you. I am sorry I did not do what was right and stand up for you when they verbally picked on you. I was wrong.

See related blog posts:
Emotions Can’t Tell Time
Reflections on My Redeemer

Your Emotions Can't Tell Time

The other day I was browsing Facebook when I noticed a suggested friend who was someone I went to school with long ago. The problem was this 'suggested friend' was a schoolmate who was a total jerk to me. I noticed very quickly I remembered what he said and did to me and I found myself upset and angry as if he had just done it or said it to me.

This is the problem with emotions. In order to trigger them, you just need to remember or think about something that made you feel that way once before. Then, bam! The emotions are back just like that. Even if, intellectually, you forgave the person or you now realize it was minor or long enough ago to not matter anymore.

After a few seconds, I realized that kids are mean and that what he said and did was mean, but it was over 20 years ago. Does it matter to me now? Not at all. However, emotions don't understand time they just react to what you are thinking.

You will find another example of this with actors. Good actors will draw on thoughts to create the emotions they need for the scene they are in. If they need anger, they will focus their thoughts on something that angers them and if they need to show love, they focus on thoughts of love.

I wonder if this means we can control our emotions based upon controlling our thoughts?

Here is a related quote:

“Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitudes toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.” - Charles R. Swindoll